Sabotage!

Who is the dastardly saboteur?

Me, or course. (And Taco Bell, but really I think I bear the brunt of the blame.)

I eaaasing back into this "working out like a soldier" thing. Last Friday I was the picture of discipline: I wrote down every calorie I ate, down to the ounce. I went to the gym and did a solid 45 minutes of interval training along with some light weights and approximately 3 million sit ups. I went to bed feeling pretty darn good.

Saturday... not so good. We went out with The Boyfriend's Sisters sans kiddos, and I ate some garlic fries. A lot of fries. And a burger, with bleu cheese. Aaaand some calamari. Aaaand a beer. Sunday wasn't much better. (Damn you Volcano Taaaacoooooo...) Yesterday, (Monday) I did okay, but no working out... The Boyfriend is feeling under the weather, so we just hung out all night.

Way to start 2009, Heavy-weight Cupcake.

Today, I am back on the wagon. I juiced some carrots and apples this morning, (Jack Lalanne Power Juicer, baby!), and I have drank so much water I think I would be extra-buoyant in a pool.

The one thing I am lacking is the "exercise" part. I want so badly to get to the gym, but I find a million reasons not to go, which is *such* a cop-out. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I have lost my confidence to just get up and GO. I cognitively know that I need to go work out, and I remember how good it feels... but I hold myself back. I'm scared to try, scared to do something that might be hard, something that used to be so easy for me... even though I remember the not-so distant past in which I relished the hard work, and it made the payoff sweeter. I think I am mad at myself for letting all that sweat and elliptical-hours slip away from me, and now I am back to "relatively in-shape" as opposed to "best shape of my life." I am disappointed, and angry, and now I am resistant to getting back on that treadmill because I don't want to fail again.

But what a stupid, frustrating way to think. "I want so badly to go to the gym." Who on EARTH is stopping me? I am the ONLY one who stops me from working out. The Boyfriend doesn't do it: it's MY choice to weenie out on going, using his sickness as as excuse to not go make like a hamster and run. I have a goal: running this half marathon. And I am GOING to do it. And I want to get back into better shape... I want to stop TALKING about things and start DOING them. I wish someone read this damn blog, so they could hold me accountable... but again Cupcake, what could they tell you that you shouldn't just DO for yourself?? Nothing, that's what, you Frosting-Covered Procrastinator.

So I need to stop being so passive; it is NOT a typical trait of mine, lemme tell you. If I want to do something I need to do it, and not just read about it on the Internet and put it on a list. If I don't like something, I am going to change it. I want to work out more, so I will. There's no secret to weight loss and getting in shape: if you eat less and work out more, you lose weight and get in shape. Bottom line. If I want to go work out tonight and the boyfriend doesn't want to... I'm gonna go, dammit. I am being such a wiener about this. Take back control, just do it, be a do-er, a uniter not a divider, whatever. Just stop being such a tool and go friggin' work out, man. And put down that taco.

So I'm going to go work out tonight. And I'm going to fight it, and I'm going to bitch and whine... but I'm going to go. And tomorrow the process will start again.

Enough verbal diarrhea for now. Two today:

"People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do."
~Author
Unknown

"Men are made stronger on realization that the helping hand they
need is at the end of their own arm."
~Sidney J. Phillips

(women, too.
~ Cupcake)

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